The Spider that Ate Atlantis
by Ellex
Summary: Just how big was that thing?


The Spider that Ate Atlantis

Neither Stargate:Atlantis nor the spider belong to me.

A/N: This is entirely Kelly's fault. Again.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"It's...it's...it's..."

Sheppard couldn't help laughing, even though McKay looked like he'd been scared out of his wits. He sounded just like the "its" man on Monty Python, gasping and hoarse, clutching frantically at Sheppard's sleeve.

"What is it? What's wrong now?" he asked, manfully restraining the urge to giggle. It couldn't be anything too important. For the last hour, Rodney had been complaining about every little thing, including freaking out when he disturbed a nest of little mouse-like creatures.

Exploring the bowels of Atlantis with McKay and Ronon Dex had become a little more exciting since the rainy season started. A number of creatures had found their way to the city to take shelter now that it was on the surface - mostly birds and insects, but occasionally other creatures that had apparently hitched rides on the birds or swum out of the ocean. The worst so far had been an infestation of fleas.

For answer, Rodney just pointed back at the corridor he had been wandering down. A single door stood ajar.

"Well? What did you find in there, Rodney?"

"There's a...a spider. My god, it's the biggest damn spider I've ever seen. I'll have nightmares about it for months." Rodney had finally found his voice again. "You have to kill it. You'll need C4 - and a whole squad of Marines, and all the ammunition you can find...a rocket launcher, no, _five_ rocket launchers..."

"A _spider_ ! C'mon, Rodney, I have more reason to hate bugs than anyone here, and you're freaking out over a spider? You know the Athosians on the mainland haven't reported seeing anything even as big as an Iratus

bug, don't you?"

Ronon draped a friendly arm over McKay's shoulder and leaned. Sheppard watched with amusement as Rodney's knees began to buckle.

"A spider, huh? It's probably even more scared of you than you are of it. Want me to step on it for you?" Ronon offered.

Rodney slipped out from under the heavy weight of the Runner. "You sound just like my mother, which is oddly comforting and yet _so_ wrong. Why don't you go take a crack at it, then? I'm sure a great hulking fellow like yourself is more than a match for, oh, the _biggest freaking spider outside of a Harryhausen film!_"

Ronon shrugged and headed for the open door. In a flash, Rodney was beside him, tugging ineffectually at the Satedan's sleeve.

"No, no, don't go in there! I was just kidding! Really, I mean it, you do not want to go in there. Ronon? Ronon, come on."

Sheppard watched, intrigued. Either the spider had really spooked Rodney - not that it usually took all that much - or he was playing a joke on Sheppard and Ronon, and doing an unusually convincing job of it. At this point, if there really was a spider, John wanted to see it.

He caught up with Ronon and Rodney outside the door. Rodney stepped back, muttering something about 'don't come crying to_ me_ if it rips your head off'.

With a nod to Ronon, Sheppard stepped into the room first, feeling the Runner at his back. He only advanced a couple of feet in, the darkness growing more profound.

A slight rustle came from somewhere ahead of him, and he reached for the flashlight on top of the P-90. The hairs on the back of his neck rose, and he released the safety.

Less than two seconds later, he and Ronon were out of the room and twenty-five feet down the corridor, staring apprehensively back at the door. Rodney shook his head in disgust and followed them.

"It's too big to get through the door, you idiots. And when are you going to listen to me when I tell you things like _'there's a giant spider in that room'_? What does it take?"

A long, segmented, hairy-looking black leg shot through the doorway and slammed against the opposite wall, leaving a sizable dent. The three men jumped.

"I, ah, I think we should get back to the command tower and let Lorne deal with this, don't you? With a full squad of Marines and as much firepower as they can carry." Sheppard said, his voice much more wobbly than he would have liked.

"Uh, yeah," Ronon said in a near whisper. "That sounds like a good plan."

Rodney threw his hands up in the air in disgust. "That's what I was saying from the beginning, Colonel!" he hissed. "Lots and lots of firepower! And why are we whispering?" He stalked away from them, headed for the nearest transporter, muttering irascibly to himself. Sheppard followed, clutching his P-90 tightly and glancing back every few seconds. Ronon walked beside him rather than behind, and tried very hard _not_ to look back.

Later, while organizing a group to go back and deal with the trapped arachnid, Sheppard tried to explain to Elizabeth just how big the thing was.

"I'm telling you, it's the spider that ate Tokyo, Elizabeth. We have to kill it right away."

Elizabeth gave him her best reassuring smile. "Oh, come now, Colonel. It can't be as big as all that. It's probably even more scared of you than you are of it."

fin


End file.
